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Many Songs, Many Weeks

by In Some Ways Fine

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1.
Watch your conscience drift away. At the very sight of your future. It's far late to turn back now. The perspective is getting obscure. Conjure up a plan to accommodate. Every subtle subliminal message. Communicate with your worst perceptions. And accept them as your failures. Sell what you own. Trade in your bones before they turn us into stone. Burn all the remains. Sort through the names, leave town before you need to explain. A shell of who you used to be. Quick to ignore a pleasantry With such a lack of emotion. You begin to interpret things differently. It hasn't taken you long to learn. Heart will only gets you so far. Misused and abused. Your frameworks begun to crumble.
2.
I'm a short attention span away from losing track of everything that I've worked so hard to remember. I'm mixing tonight with a healthy dose of irony. Hoping it will help shed away these goddamn memories. So raise a glass for all the best wishes. All the last kisses and burnt bridges. Majority rules. Discover the clues. Adjectives to describe your blues. I keep pulling at my open wounds expecting them to heal just the same. I never seem to put myself first. Took the long way home. To avoid what I left behind. What do you do when everyone's your critic now? Gave you an inch and you took a mile. Claim there's truth in between the lines.
3.
The Dundies Were Fixed I love this city, not the people it inhabits. If your not careful, it will swallow you up. I don't think I ever caught your name. I don't think I ever caught your name. I hate this city, not the people that surround me. If your not careful, you could miss out on something. I think I just forgot your name. I think I just forgot your name. If you had the chance would you erase the memories you stole from me? I'm not trying to sound so selfish. It's not like I want them back. A reminder of what I lack, but I think you owe me something in return. I miss your company, not the hassle you bring. If your not careful, you could end up alone. I hope I never hear your name. I hope I never hear your name. Oh, you never know what your getting yourself into.
4.
I have nothing of interest to say this week. Nothing to add to the growing list, of all the answers that we seek. I've got a pulse that continues to grow older. A heart that's growing colder. Blink and it will all be over. I don't believe in ghosts like you don't believe in me. You can't buy me love but you can buy me a drink. Are we in agreement that everything is sharper in color? Not black and white, it's always simpler in hindsight. I can't believe what my eyes are seeing. You built it up, just to see it fall apart. You've got two faces make sure your careful who you show it too. It could come back around to haunt you.
5.
Consider this my resignation. One last chance at recognition. Paint you a scene filled with sarcasm. As you fall victim to your own superstition. A former ally now nothing but a foe. A simple description just to keep the tempo. It's no surprise you were a no show. Get me out of here and back to Chicago. Concede and realize what you lost many years ago. Your filled with regret and a battered ego. I left it all out on the table. You couldn't help it, even if you wanted too. Belongings split right down the center. Save your chatter, I don't care about the weather. I no longer think about what could have been. I'd rather my fresh start in a brand new skin. You had your chance and you let it get away. I never looked back as I sped down the highway. I left it all out on the table. You couldn't help it, even if you wanted too.
6.
Staring into the same sky. At the same time in different places. It yields similar outcomes but somewhat biased results. You must begin to weed through your lies. And slowly reevaluate the truth. Theres nothing left that you need to prove. No souls left here for anyone to sooth. Don't waste another minute second guessing yourself. The writings on the wall. Everything you've heard is everything that was needed to be said. Staring into a sea of faces. Different features, the same opinions. Don't take everything so personally. The least you could do is give the courtesy. We are all living life with such uncertainty. Nothing ever fits together perfectly. So quit acting so carelessly. Every moment deserves attention.
7.
Sworn in on a book you've never read. Buying your excuses. But we won't buy anything that you've said. Spreading lies that only seem to benefit yourself. Your a fraud with blood on your hands. Are you proud of the war that you are creating? A war between people you are meant to be leading. Why haven't we learned by now. We are stronger united then we will ever be divided. We're all different, yet built the same. We are not all to blame. History has its eyes on you. Do you take us for fools? You can only hide behind your facade so long. The rest of us refuse to sit around.
8.
It's a fact not opinion. Trading words with anyone who'll listen. I've finally convinced myself the timing doesn't mean as much as it used too. Trading my vices for a new routine. a collection of unpaid dues. And despite the news, I'm still smiling. Why do we measure, how far you've come, by the wealth that you have tucked away? But when your one with the ground, they'll all come around, just looking for their share. We are guilty. We all need a place to hide our greedy hands. I seek acceptance in the mirror with the face staring back at me. Are you drone covered in ignorance or intolerance. The ghost of what you thought of me. Doesn't mean as much as it used too. It's gradual until whatever keeps you up quits haunting you.
9.
Green Eyes 03:58
I've got a framed photograph of you in my head. It's permanently hung, so delicate and straight. All my life I've been running in the wrong direction. I let my past misfortunes do all of my talking. Nothing means more to me than you. You built me back up when I was falling apart. Nothing means more to me than you. You know it's not easy opening yourself up to someone new. You don't complain when I leave the captions on the tv. A night in with the cat or judge my anxieties. You are my favorite part of the east coast. Even if it means another winter and the things that we hate the most. Hey green eyes, where have you been? I finally feel at home.
10.
On the surface I seem alright. Underneath my skin is where I hide. But now is not the time. Time is not on my side. Pulleys and strings concealed behind my back. Synchronized and tell me what to do. But now is not the time. Time is not on my side. I've overdosed on empathy. A side effect of misery. But now is not the time. Time is not on my side. In the dimmest of rooms there is a light. It pulls me in just a little closer. It feels like I'm trapped in this goddamn tunnel vision. And I can't see a thing.
11.
There aren't enough hours in the day. To listen to every reason for me to stay. So fill my head with fantasies, but just enough before I lose my nerve. Curious like a fossil, I've been hidden away for so fucking long. I can see straight on through the bullshit that you somehow keep leaving in my way. I've overstayed my welcome. And It's such a shame that everything I touch, turns to dust instead of gold. It's really getting old. I've been up half the night letting my worries dictate me.
12.
Clear the cobwebs from the corner. Wipe the sleep out of my eyes. The truth comes out at foolish times. Found you pacing by the city lines. You've got to keep your voice down. While the rest of world is trying to sleep. You're always so down on yourself. Retrace your steps and avoid critique. It's so cruel and unusual. There is nothing left for us to lose. What once made all the sense is now lost. It's now nothing but just an after thought. You tried to conceal every motive. Between the blurred lines of your headlines. Teeth sunk into every story, you've overstepped your boundaries. Fall victim to your own demands. Carry your past like an illness. With a fistful of your own doubt but that won't stop me from I'm calling you out.
13.
Knockout 03:10
I wasn't born yesterday. I know all your tendencies. Bad habits, I've seen them all before. What do you take me for? I can see that your slipping and losing control. This was a long time coming, but it still stings like a punch to the gut, I swore you were more than one hit wonder. I was hoping you would hold us together. I thought we had plans to see this through forever. These destructive patterns will continue. No matter what fiction you spin for yourself. Next time I will keep my opinions to myself. It seems your ego means more to me than you.
14.
Homesick 04:08
Fading in and out of consciousness. I don't know how I got here. I don't know where I'm headed. For what I lack in experience, I make up with my ambition. And that's more than I can say about you. I'm homesick for a place I've never cared about. I'm homesick for a place I've never been. I'm homesick for the person that I used to be. I'm not homesick for you and me. Wandering all over town with empty pockets and a face of disgust. I spent my last few dollars trying to get my head straight, instead it left me sick. I should swallow my pride that I keep hidden in my mouth.
15.
It's only Wednesday and all I can say it's already been a hell of a week. I nearly drove my car headfirst into the median half asleep. I've become accustomed to mismatched socks and burnt coffee. I'm getting tired of the mundane. I need a change of pace. or Maybe a change of scenery? I need to look out for only me. Punch a ticket I'm thirty minutes late again. You see I've been up most nights counting how many minutes that I have left to sleep. Even if the chip on my shoulder becomes to much to support. I won't let this vicious string of bad luck get me down.
16.
Cold Coffee 03:16
I spent most of my morning drinking cold coffee and reflecting on what I should do with the rest of my life. There are a few moments I can think of and I swear I will do my best to make them up to you. It's not hard to mouth words you really don't mean. That's exactly where we all went wrong. Lost loves and damaged friends, slow down your breathing. This small talk won't get you anywhere. I spend most of my day pacing these halls and trying to forget my troubles in hopes I can sleep tonight. It doesn't matter, the past has been shattered. You can pick up the pieces but they won't fit together.
17.
18.
I know how this ends. This is not my finest hour. I can't even look myself in the eyes. Easier said than done. Not to easily impressed. That face is all too familiar. Nothing feels the same as being sure of something. My mind gets hazy, Each year as I get older. Call this my second wind. Call this my do over. I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet. I'm adding up all the chances that I have let pass me by. Let me tell you something, the number is greater than the 10 fingers on my hand. My heart is beating in 6/8th time or some odd time I can't control without some help. Keep your expectations low. And I may just surprise you. Just like the clocks, my mood is moving forward. I am letting my guard down and finally moving past everything I used to question, everything I used to doubt. I don't want you to get the wrong idea from me. I'm just always looking out for myself. They say there's safety in numbers but I can't help but notice I've done just fine with myself.
19.
Cynical 03:02
I'm not sure what your looking for. I'm not sure what you really need from me. I am in search for a cure for my fragile mind. Some days even going through the motions are wearing me thin. Parade my mistakes around for everyone to see. Your highly cynical, a bit too critical. Let's hear it for method acting (You're overreacting) A phony smile and an assortment of bad advice. This is all that I know. But what do I have to show. I'd trade in all my prized possessions for you to spend a day in my shoes. If I was a betting man, I wouldn't bet on you.
20.
There's a space between productive and ignorance and that's where I seem to fit right in. Tonight I'm buried beneath blankets like a metaphor for dirt. It's not mystery. I'm fortunate to get this second chance. You can only go as fast as what is in front of you. Keep your head up before your life has passed you by. Another effort pushed way past exhaustion. Is this what I get? Maybe it's what I deserve. Despite what I may or may not have said to you. It was never my intention to string you along.
21.
Dizzy 03:21
This may be a few months overdo But it's better late than never or ever. The sun doesn't seem to reach your part of town. That explains why you're always stuck living in the dark. I don't need your approval. Call it nerves, call it what you will. I'm running on fumes as the room slowly spins around you. You seem to be under the impression that your opinion still means something to me. I can see you still have a corrupted way of thinking. Isn't it time that you grew up and started acting your age? I could drive to your house and say this to your face but I'd rather spend my time crashed out, asleep on the couch.
22.
I'm counting the steps from my car to my apartment. Lately I've been feeling agoraphobic. My mind is locked in a constant state of motion. And when your not looking I slip a pill down. You can smell the fear on my breathe. Not sure if my heart is beating right. And one by one they all begin to fall. Everyone except for you. For the last two years, I held my breathe. And told myself everything would be okay. I'm not ashamed. Because some days I don't feel at home in this world anymore. The signal is slowly disconnecting. I'm moving on with counterfeit memories.
23.
Everyone these days they are just waiting for their chance to speak. Nobody takes the time to listen to anyone, anymore. I really think that your missing the point. You just like hearing the sound of your own voice. Let me tell you something, it's getting old. And I've got some place I'd rather be. Nothing ever changes. Everything seems to stay the same. Enough with the distractions. Living life with a false sense of company. Questions thrown in all directions but never faced. It's easier that way. As soon as September approaches, I'll be gone. It's second nature to feel this way. I won't regret a single minute spent in New England. Maybe I'll see you again someday. There's an infliction in your voice that says when are you coming home?
24.
I can't feel my face. Without stability, I feel an anxiety. That's just a flaw of me, that you will have to get used too. I long for a Midwest address. Or maybe even further away. Any location would be a suitable substitute for me to make home. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. You can replace the battery but I kind of like it that way. I can't feel my legs. Swallow a pill and it will all go away. It like a game of cat and mouse. Where I chase the pain with artificial combinations. I'm going down for the count, like a boxer past his prime. Not strong enough to become a comeback player of the year. Devotion and compassion it's what keeps me getting up.
25.
The details aren't crystal clear but the process is part of the fun. My best days are long behind me. But I won't let it stop me now. I'm testing out my will against equal situations. Opportunities like these don't come around too often anymore. It's taken me a long time to start to feel this way again. I finally got the courage to ditch the past behind me now. I wouldn't mind if you spent the night while the storm keeps us cooped up inside. The little things that I, admire from afar. Like the way you do your hair, and the look of your smile. You make me weak in my knees. I'm keeping time with my teeth. Hoping that you stick by my side.
26.
Excuse me but I'm fresh out of sympathy. I'm counting seconds just to pass the time. Between the lapses in my breathes. Keeping tempo in my mind. The sped up ticks from my heart. Tell me I'm falling apart. Discard the fact that I'm a derelict in search of a new direction. Tongue tied and tired. Feeling guilty and uninspired. With a social life that has drastically declined. Leaves me with more time to spend with my own mind. Truth be told that's fine. Just a frame out of focus, It's so abundantly clear. Don't just mouth the words. Put some weight behind them. Give them a stable ground to stand. Excuse me but I'm fresh out of loyalty. I'm counting minutes just to pass the time. I have to confess I'm a bit conflicted. With circumstances you can't ignore. Getting even as I'm getting older. Because you keep forgetting what you used to know. Today I spent the afternoon wandering these crooked streets that I never took the time to know. (There's something about the cobblestone that makes me feel at home)
27.
Lately I feel a bit withdrawn Maybe it's for the best So I'll fill my lungs with nicotine. A shortcut to a shorter life. Where I plan to risk it all. On what I know is right and wrong. Heart over mind or mind over heart. Either one leads me back to the start. Tonight I saw my life flash before my eyes. It felt just like turning out the light. I'm just waiting for the tide to wash me clean. I'm just waiting for the ride. Await the word, it's all repetition. A final drink destroys your ambition. Wipe the sleep from my narrow eyes. Another last call spent crawling home. Wake up in a foreign space. But there's a calm in your voice. No place left to hold the blame. No point in taking sides anymore.
28.
I've kept a picture of you in my wallet for far to long. It reminds me of all the things that have gone terribly wrong. Home is where the heart is well maybe that's where you'll find mine. Hidden beneath years of dirt and filth and broken glass. So dust yourself off, get yourself back up on your feet. My head is clouded (or crowded.) Or however you choose to define it. Speak for the sake of speaking. A verbal reassurance that's keeping me from sleeping. So I'll feast on the false accusations. Everything I heard about you was right all along. Exchange questions for answers. It's just your standard. I instinctively hold on, unintentionally let go.
29.
My concern is misplaced, it seems your immune to good advice. Old perceptions don't define who you really are. Spare me the details, I've heard this all before. Haven't you learned by now, love isn't found in the backseat of a car? You've got the patience of a saint with a devil concealed on your shoulder. A distorted view of yourself. Don't let it consume you. Where do the lies begin and end? Just drowning in misconceptions. Is it just the memories or the irony? That keep getting the best of you. When did we get to the point where I would rather spend the night at home? Sharing a dinner made for two with someone other than you.
30.
Whispered "I'll see you next summer" as I disappeared down into the terminal. We both know that that's not true, but it's easier than facing the truth or you. Because distance it's just a series of numbers, or inches on a map. I have nothing left to say to you right now that I won't regret. All I need is a tin can and string. I haven't heard from you in months. I can read between the lines but barely noticed it read no vacancy. For the past few months I've felt indifferent. Kept my distance. It's how I keep myself protected. Like a turtle without its shell. Like a bee without a hive. I'm withering into my sheets. They all said it would be better in time. It's tiring keeping company with yourself.
31.
Your heart is like quicksand, the longer I wait the deeper I sink. You left me hanging by a thread. Repeating lines that you were force fed. It's so much colder on this side of town and I'm better off self destructing now. The records skipping, and there is dust in the grooves. My hearings selective it only hears what it wants too. A winded opinion leads to careless decisions. A well rehearsed statement. Sick of living in a sea of virtual left or right conversations. Is nothing is sacred anymore? It's an endless debate when you put your faith in the wrong people. Haven't we learned by now? There's something exhilarating when the blood rushes to your head and you feel alive again for the first time in so long.
32.
There aren't enough adjectives to objectively describe how disgusted I am. I could count on count on one hand the number of people that I hold dear. I'm not sure that's something to brag about. My breathe wreaks of smoke. I haven't slept a wink in months. I'm gaining traction but losing my mind. Fumble in the dark for the light. I can hardly see. I used to love that feeling of losing sleep. Sorry I don't have the time to catch up. I'm busy making noise with my friends. Because everyone's days our numbered now and I'm growing more weary. I'm Burning the candle at both ends and I'm slowly hemorrhaging.
33.
Hallows 04:28
If we're being honest, this hasn't been one of my better years. I guess I should be grateful that I'm still breathing. We run in different circles but I still hear your name. Are you a jack of all trades, or just a master of none? Don't dwell on your dreams and forget to live. We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. Everything falls apart at different time frames. It never allows you to prepare. Casual encounters with impaired decisions. Fall to your knees and beg for forgiveness Your dreams brush by you like strangers in the crowd. And I'm here waiting for you to be far enough out of frame.
34.
Stop confusing patience for self control. Turn the page, wash your hands of things you can't let go. Forward thinking with a sense of purpose that you can't deny. You claim "it's just holding you back." A systemic reply. Is it obsolete? Or is it a part of something bigger. Somewhat sympathetic. With so much to consider. Stop procrastinating we're just products of society. Fresh out of excuses, every solution is hung by nooses. You try and conceal it, a flaw in your design. Exposed and hypothetical, censored in decline. This might not seem relevant. Where you bend the rules as you see fit. Sad or apathetic? Reassured or pathetic. Muster up the guts. For a premature farewell. This might not seem relevant. This might not seem real.
35.
Judge me for my actions, not the habits I can't break. Spent the morning, pacing wondering about you. I wasn't ready to add you to my collection of goodbyes. Get me out of here before my worries eat me alive. Have you been met with a terrible fate? You claim to have lost more than just your mind. More than just a relic, feeling like a fossilized version of yourself. We will never know, as the truth lives and dies with you. These traditions we're both not fond of. These memories keep you alive. Time brings us closer together. I'm not ready to commit to these thoughts just yet. Applied logic to reason. But it keeps sinking to the bottom.
36.
The end will always blossom before it blooms. Without a sense of urgency, we suffer no regrets. These distances we do not wish to travel. Instead, we rely on the truths of other men. But what if anything that's worth believing, never lasted long enough to share? I'd rather waste my breath than become pawn in your regime. Where do you turn when your voice isn't heard anymore? Drew a line in the sand that can't be crossed. We depend not solely on these broken promises. But on a faith that we hope won't let us down. For we give and give yet receive nothing in return. Awoken from the cries of "all hands on deck." We shuffle side to side with our egos in check. I'd rather waste my breath than become another pawn in your regime. Where do you turn when your feel voice isn't heard anymore? What goes up must come down in flames.
37.
I'm not the same as you left me. No longer broken or bruised, or angry. Heard you were asking for me. That's just a symptom of having a history. Now that I have your attention. All I'm asking you is to consider my point of view. I hope these words will reach you. But I think I'll take my chances somewhere else. How much is enough? How much of this do I need to endure? Quality or quantity? Who decides which is more important? Seek solace with the doomed. A hollow love dressed in gold. The righteous, the rebels and the damned.
38.
For a moment I thought I had it all figured out. Take the cancer that hangs between the teeth from your mouth. It doesn't make you look as cool as you think you are. The forecast calls for rain but I think I'd rather stay out. Bare with me, can't put a price on loyalty. Your arrogance entails you to think your royalty. I'd rather have my pride then your idea of self worth. I'm unimpressed, overdressed, a worn out novelty. You made me sleep on the floor, in the apartment that we shared. You made me sleep on the floor, on the last night I was here. I spent too much time, with the ghosts in apartment three. But I don't sleep on the floor anymore. I've kept my mouth shut for the better half of this year. And now that I'm gone, I've got nothing left to lose. I can't say that I'm all that disappointed. Some may call it overconfidence, I was just too careless. I don't sleep on the floor anymore.
39.
Misplaced my head again this morning. The opposite of misfortune. It will turn up eventually. I'm constantly out of focus. A slight turn and you will see everything is clearer now. Left your opinions, sprawled all across my floor. In every corner. In everybody's way. You've become complacent, with the way you say my name. Just a creature of habit, going through the motions. New views for old friends. An aging agenda replaced. Time isn't on our side anymore. Spare me the details. And get to the point. A repeat in your repertoire. While I seek repent for my mistakes. A resurrection with false pretenses. Whispered confessions. It's better that way. Ditched Nicotine for caffeine. Been awake for days. Found courage in all the wrong places, at all the right times.
40.
You wear a smile that never fit. A vague disguise. It's so unfit for someone whose got so much pride. The days they turn to weeks And I keep telling myself there's beauty in everything we see. Time it passes faster than our minds can tick. I always miss the silence when there's too much sound. I've spent too long depending on you to keep me standing up straight. But without you I'm afraid my bones will sink straight to the floor. I only tell you what you want to hear. To keep you honest, keep you coming back for more. And that bitter taste it goes well with that chip on your shoulder.

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An attempt at writing, recording, mixing and releasing a song a week, every Monday.

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released October 31, 2016

Brendan Grover - Guitar, Bass, Vocals and Drums

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In Some Ways Fine Boston, Massachusetts

Bedroom jams with one guitar and a whole lot of complaining.

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